We had a big day planned for today. Our downtown bookstore was having their monthly game day where you can go and play the board games they sell. Then the boys were having a sleepover with Grandpa and Grandma. My husband and I had a big night out planned (which probably meant being at home asleep by nine since we are wild and crazy.).
Oh, how things never seem to go according to plans. I had been asleep for about an hour when Connor started throwing up. Not to be outdone, Cameron then began to throw up as well.
Grabbing buckets, towels, wash clothes, and clean pillows, I settled down with them and slept for about ten minutes or so before one or the other was sick again.
Dump buckets, wipe mouths, grab clean pajama shirts. Try to sleep. Hear noise and jump back up. It’s nothing. Sleep for ten minutes. Hear noise. Grab bucket. No! Not the floor! The bucket! The bucket!
Motherhood changes you. Before I had kids, just the sound so someone throwing up would make me throw up. Now I can clean up kids in my sleep. I’ve been thrown up on and cleaned everything up before jumping in the shower. I’ve had kids throw up in my hair and down my shirt. I’ve tried to “catch” it in my hands. (Seriously?! What is wrong with Moms that we do this?)
I’m pretty sure that being the mom of sick kids is kind of like being a zombie. Maybe sick kids turn moms into zombies and this is how the Zombie Apocalypse is going to start.
1. Zombies don’t sleep. Moms of sick kids don’t sleep.
Last night I had one hour of uninterrupted sleep before the sickness invaded our home. For the next eight hours I slept for five to ten minutes at a time, jumping at every noise positive that it was a child throwing up. For the record, it normally was. If you see me walking with my arms out saying, “Coffee! Coffee!” (or wine!) I would suggest that you just silently hand it over and move out of the way.
2. Zombies eat anything they can get their hands on. Moms of sick kids eat anything they can find fast.
The sickness and throwing up didn’t end with daylight. It has continued ALL DAY. I had to move fast to grab food between all the sickness. And I guess this goes with the next point…
3. Zombies don’t care what’s happening around them when they are eating. Moms of sick kids can take a bite of lunch and then run with the bucket to the child throwing up and not miss a beat.
Moms and zombies are gross. Yep, I managed to eat lunch between times of children throwing up. Eat now and fast or don’t eat at all.
4. Zombies smell bad. Moms of sick kids smell bad.
Seriously. I’m not sure if it’s rotting flesh or if moms of sick kids just need a shower. If anyone out there knows how to take a shower when your kids are throwing up nonstop feel free to share. Moms of sick kids and zombies don’t know how bad they smell. I sprayed myself with lavender Lysol. That counts, right? Sure, they are both napping, but we all know that as soon as I get in the shower the vomiting will begin again.
And 5. Zombies avoid the sun. Moms of sick kids dread the sun coming up.
“No! No! Not the sun! How is this possible?! I haven’t had any sleep yet! It can’t be morning already! Noooooooooo!”
I guess the point is that I’m pretty sure I’m a mom of sick kids, but I might be a zombie. It’s really hard to tell. The important thing to remember is that you should probably just hand me that cup of coffee (or glass of wine) and pretend you don’t notice that I haven’t brushed my hair or the smell.
Oh, Lord, please help these boys get well. And please don’t let me catch the sickness.
Coming up next, a sick mom or a zombie? 😃