Jewelia Paige

Maybe everyone’s childhood was like mine, but I believe mine was extra special. I have two brothers by birth, but in my childhood home there was almost always more than three kids. There was constantly at least one extra living with us, or spending the night so often it felt like they lived with us.

With no extra thought at all I can come up with two boys and two girls that I would call brothers and sisters. Even all these years later, these kids are my siblings. Even though its been years since I’ve seen them, they are family in my heart.

Girls talk about the bonds of sisters and I’ve always been jealous. I was already a teen when I got my sisters so I know the bond isn’t the same but I love them both with all that I am. I would do anything for them no matter how late in life I got them.

One sister moved across the country from me so I rarely get to see her, but that doesn’t stop how much I love her. I watch her on Facebook and am jealous of the vacations she takes (although Hawaii during a hurricane seems like a bad plan.).

The other sister stayed close but as we all know, as you grow older you grow apart. We both got married. We moved in different directions. We had kids. Life happened. And, as life works, when you’re not forced by blood to get together, you forget to get together. Our lives grew, and we forgot to force the times to see each other. We stayed connected by Facebook as everyone does these days. We talked about get togethers, but as life does, it seemed to get in the way.

I’ve watched on Facebook my sister’s daughter grow older. I’ve watched my sister take in fosters and love them as much as if she birthed them. She loves them as we love her. I watched as she got sick. I saw her in the hospital. I saw her liver and kidneys start to shut done. I cried as they talked about her needing a transplant.

Last night I was sleeping when the text came that she wasn’t going to make it. And I cried when I got the message and she was already with Jesus. I cried for the sister I lost and wished I had done more to see her. I cried for my brothers who probably feel the loss even more than I do. I cried for her husband who has to raise those kids without her. I cried for those kids who lost an amazing mother.

I know God has a plan and all of this is part of His plan, but, seriously some times God’s plan just sucks. And this is one of those times. I trust His plan and I know He has one, but today is one of those days where it’s hard to understand how this can be part of it.

I know His plan is good and He uses all things for His good, but I will never understand how leaving children without a mother can be good. I will never understand how there are people ready to meet Jesus, and those who are so young are called home. And I know on this side of Heaven I will never understand it.

Jewelia, I will always love you. I’m sorry for those times we were supposed to see each other and life worked against us. I will remember that time I marched into the high school to explain why you were late when the school was being a jerk and I told the secretary off when she thought I wouldn’t stand up to her. I’ll remember those times in our yard sitting on the swing talking about nothing that matters once your out of your teens. I’ll remember. Your children will always be in my heart. You will always be in my heart. I love you and I’ll miss you. My sister in my heart, I’ll see you again.

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