Facebook is slowly breaking me

I joined Facebook late. I can’t remember when I joined but it was a while after I joined before I became active. I’m pretty sure it was sometime during the 20 months between the birth of my boys that I joined. I know every year Facebook will let me know on the day I joined that it is our anniversary.

And these days I mostly appreciate the updates. It’s how I stay in contact with people I don’t see on a regular basis (or peek into the lives of people I never see and wouldn’t even think of if Facebook didn’t remind me). And I would apologize for my use of Facebook, if I didn’t think all of you use it the same way. It’s a way to pretend we are closer to more people than we are. And I have less than 200 friends on Facebook (and WAY less than that in real life.).

One of the things that I have come to love about Facebook is their memories. “We think you might be interested in seeing what you posted on this day over the last 10 years…” And many of those times, Facebook is right. I’ve posted about the funny things my boys do or say or a super cute “how were they ever this small” picture. I very rarely share the memories, but Facebook was right. I love seeing them.

Welcome to this week. With everything happening with us plus I’ve been sick as a dog, I’m super emotional this week. And then Facebook wants to share with me. The first thing FB shared with me was an article that I shared. It was written by a mom whose baby died. I originally read the article and shared it because I know that it hurts and we don’t talk about miscarriage, stillborn, SIDS, infant and child death because it’s hard. Let me tell you, FB reminding me (Oh, and I reread the article) didn’t make it easier. Thanks for the memories.

That memory was one year ago today. Do you know what happened two years ago today? No? I didn’t know either until FB told me. I thought I had some more time. Two years ago today, my brother who is in the army (so he doesn’t live close) and his wife came home to see my grandpa. Two years ago today my family (minus my husband who wasn’t able to be there) gathered for pictures which I clearly remember telling my sister-in-law I wasn’t happy to be taking, and then remember telling her I was so thankful we took because these were our last family pictures.

I remember this week two years ago so clearly. It was my grandpa’s last good week. It was that “maybe the doctors were wrong” and “God works miracles” week. And, for the record, that week was a miracle because Grandpa was so good that week and had such a good visit with everyone. God gave us all that one super awesome good week.

But seriously, FB, I could have had a couple more days before the reminder. I have missed him so much these last few weeks with everything going on, I could have done without the reminder. I have heard his voice, that amazing, annoying, loving and terrible voice, “God’s only preparing you for something worse.” I’ve heard it, Facebook. I didn’t need the reminder this week.

I’m not sure if Facebook is trying to break us or help us. What I do know is when you are feeling fat and ugly and throw on the first shirt you can find and your sister-in-law wants to take pictures and tells you that you’ll appreciate it some day, trust her. Take the picture. Hug the ones you love. As hard as that summer was, what I would give to do it again.

This is what happens when you just flip open your bible

I was in the mood to write tonight, but I didn’t have anything burning to write about. Since I mostly write about my faith, I decided to just open my bible and see where God led me. I flipped my bible open to the New Testament and landed at Philippians 1.

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have in my heart, inasmuch as in both my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace. For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ.” -Philippians 1:3-8

This feels like a timely scripture. It describes how I feel about all of you who take the time to read my words. For some of you, it is vague. Some of you, I don’t know or I do know, but I don’t know that you read this.

Some of you, it is specific. I pray for you by name. I think of you always. My best memories include you. You are my life and my love.

And I do greatly long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ.

Having a blog is a very strange experience. It’s a place where I write for myself. I write when I feel led, when I have something to say. And then a crazy thing happens.

You read it.

And it amazes me every time.

Now I know that it doesn’t matter what I write, my mom is going to read it. It could be just a bunch of random words, and she’ll click on it every time, along with my grandparents.

But the rest of you? You take the time to read this. You don’t have to and chances are high that I’ll never ask you if you’ve read it. But you do and this scripture made me think specifically of you that I don’t know (or know but don’t know read this) and my closest friend in Nashville.

So that was my first thought on this scripture. My second thought was on “being confidant of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ”.

God has begun a good work in all of us and will continue to until the day Jesus comes to take us home. God has a plan bigger than me and you. God’s plan is so big we can’t even begin to fathom it. I know that he is working in me, and I know he is working in you whether you know it or not.

I know that everything that happens God is using for his plan. My part in God’s plan is so big in our terms that I can’t see it and so small in God’s terms that it’s hard to believe that I matter.

But I do matter. And you matter, too, whether you believe or not.

God is using us all, and we are all an important part of His master plan. And His plan is so big, you don’t have any idea what part you are playing.

I pray that you all know you are a part of God’s master plan. I pray you know the amazing power of Jesus Christ. Thank you for being part of my part of God’s master plan.

This passage made me think of you all so I shared it with you. If it brings someone to your mind, I hope you reach out to them, even if it’s in a really vague way like this.

It took all day, but I got the message

It’s been a crazy kind of week. The boys (ages 5 and 4) and I have been trapped in the house for the last 5 days. Between the bitter cold and snow and my husband needing our truck, there hasn’t been a trip out. No going to the library, or grocery store, or even sending the boys out to play in the snow.

The house now feels like it is about 20 square feet.

We have all reached our breaking point.

I’m on edge and my nerves are shot. The boys are loud and appear to fight over EVERY SINGLE THING! And I ran out of coffee creamer yesterday morning.

And through the whole crazy, loud, obnoxious day we’ve had today, the same thing has repeated through my head.

Be still and know that I am God.

It’s like a chorus running through my head. The boys are chasing each other (and the dog) through the house screaming (and barking). I close my eyes, take a breath, and hear:

Be still and know that I am God.

No one likes their lunch (except the dog) and they want [insert any random food we don’t have here].

Be still and know that I am God.

I take a break to read a blog post from a blogger I just found (mustbethistalltoride.com) and its called “Be still and know that I am God.”

Okay, okay. I get it. A couple posts back I talked about God speaking to us and how it takes two or three or more times for me to get it, and today was proof that those words were true.

Be still and know that I am God.

I get it. I know that I’m not in control of what’s happening, but I am in control of how I respond. And how I respond directly reflects how the boys will respond. I need to take a breath. I need to be still and know that God is in control and knows exactly what is and what will happen.

And it took all day, but I finally got the message. And when I did, the situation changed. Don’t get me wrong. The boys are still chasing each other and hollering. But I’m different.

They are growing up so fast, and someday I’m going to look back on these days fondly. Yes, even the days where they made completely crazy. I’ll wonder where the time went and how they got so old so fast.

Im going to cherish the time when they are small enough to want hugs and kisses and cuddles and tickles.

Im going to remember when it’s just the three of us at home that we are not alone here.

And then I felt at peace. I felt calmer. I felt better. Because I took the time not only to hear God speaking to me but to really listen to what He was telling me.

I believe that God speaks to all of us. Sometimes we hear Him, but amazing things can happen when we take the time to listen to Him.

With all of our gadgets and noise and stuff, it’s hard to hear God sometimes. But it’s even harder to listen. And when we listen amazing things happen.

Be still and know that I am God.

I got the message. It just took all day for me to listen to it.