Jewelia Paige

Maybe everyone’s childhood was like mine, but I believe mine was extra special. I have two brothers by birth, but in my childhood home there was almost always more than three kids. There was constantly at least one extra living with us, or spending the night so often it felt like they lived with us.

With no extra thought at all I can come up with two boys and two girls that I would call brothers and sisters. Even all these years later, these kids are my siblings. Even though its been years since I’ve seen them, they are family in my heart.

Girls talk about the bonds of sisters and I’ve always been jealous. I was already a teen when I got my sisters so I know the bond isn’t the same but I love them both with all that I am. I would do anything for them no matter how late in life I got them.

One sister moved across the country from me so I rarely get to see her, but that doesn’t stop how much I love her. I watch her on Facebook and am jealous of the vacations she takes (although Hawaii during a hurricane seems like a bad plan.).

The other sister stayed close but as we all know, as you grow older you grow apart. We both got married. We moved in different directions. We had kids. Life happened. And, as life works, when you’re not forced by blood to get together, you forget to get together. Our lives grew, and we forgot to force the times to see each other. We stayed connected by Facebook as everyone does these days. We talked about get togethers, but as life does, it seemed to get in the way.

I’ve watched on Facebook my sister’s daughter grow older. I’ve watched my sister take in fosters and love them as much as if she birthed them. She loves them as we love her. I watched as she got sick. I saw her in the hospital. I saw her liver and kidneys start to shut done. I cried as they talked about her needing a transplant.

Last night I was sleeping when the text came that she wasn’t going to make it. And I cried when I got the message and she was already with Jesus. I cried for the sister I lost and wished I had done more to see her. I cried for my brothers who probably feel the loss even more than I do. I cried for her husband who has to raise those kids without her. I cried for those kids who lost an amazing mother.

I know God has a plan and all of this is part of His plan, but, seriously some times God’s plan just sucks. And this is one of those times. I trust His plan and I know He has one, but today is one of those days where it’s hard to understand how this can be part of it.

I know His plan is good and He uses all things for His good, but I will never understand how leaving children without a mother can be good. I will never understand how there are people ready to meet Jesus, and those who are so young are called home. And I know on this side of Heaven I will never understand it.

Jewelia, I will always love you. I’m sorry for those times we were supposed to see each other and life worked against us. I will remember that time I marched into the high school to explain why you were late when the school was being a jerk and I told the secretary off when she thought I wouldn’t stand up to her. I’ll remember those times in our yard sitting on the swing talking about nothing that matters once your out of your teens. I’ll remember. Your children will always be in my heart. You will always be in my heart. I love you and I’ll miss you. My sister in my heart, I’ll see you again.

I Can Only Imagine

Recently I’ve been thinking about the end times and Jesus’s return. There are days where listening and reading about what’s going on throughout the world that I think the end must be near. Then I look at my 2crazylittleboys and I think about all the living we have left to do. And then I want to laugh. As if any living we have to do here on earth could be even a fraction of the goodness that is a waiting us in Heaven.

I imagine that all the things MercyMe describes in this song will happen when we see Jesus. I believe will we stand in His presence and fall to our knees. I believe there will be times where we sing His praises and times where we will be unable to speak for His overwhelming glory. I believe there will be times that we will dance for Him and times where in awe of Him we will be still.

Whenever I think of Heaven, I think of sunlight, or I guess it is better said Sonlight. For the glory of God will shine so brightly there will be no need for the sun to shine. I think of it being warm, the perfect temperature in the perfect place. Warmth and light and God’s amazing glory.

I think of the Garden of Eden and how lovely it must have been. All of God’s creation in perfect harmony. God’s creation as we see it today is remarkable and how amazing must it be to see it while standing in His presence?

And on cold and snowy days like today, I look at my front window and see His creation covered in the most lovely coat of white as the flakes fly from the sky. And then I think of it in the terms of Heaven where I imagine it to be warm. And I think of the absolute joy it brings my 2crazylittleboys to watch the snow fly and then to go out and roll around in it.

How could something that brings so much pure joy not be found in Heaven?

Can you imagine a Heaven where it is the perfect temperature and there is snow?

It boggles my little human mind, but I know that it is possible. I can only imagine what it will be like, and I know even the best things that I can imagine don’t even come close to how amazing it will be.

I can only imagine.

Can you imagine a Heaven with snow?

rolling,

rolling,

rolling,

rolling,

rolling down the hill

rolling down the hill

I Can Only Imagine
MercyMe

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
forever worship You
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You
I can only imagine

You can find all of the Worship Wednesday posts here.

God Told Me To

I’m a little confused about what I’m about to write. I’ve tried to be careful up to this point to keep my political view points fairly vague. I’m obviously a Libertarian, but I don’t talk about most politics or what radio and TV stations I watch. That’s all about to change.

Today is a strange day. I have a post that’s 90% finished that I thought I was posting today. Before I could finish it, the boys and I had to leave the house and we’ve been on the road all day until right now. And suddenly I knew that the post I was working on was not right. This is what I’m supposed to tell you.

I’m about to use a name that is going to create emotions inside you. And I’m going to ask that no matter the emotion it creates you will trust me and give me the benefit of the doubt. I’m going to ask that you will trust me if you’ve read this blog before, and I’m going to ask you to trust that this blog at this moment is where God wants you to be.

If you read my last post, you know that I am confused by the world we live in. I don’t understand most of what’s happening around us. Some times I honestly wonder if we are in the end times. I don’t know what God’s plan is for me or for you. All I know for sure right now is that I’m suppose to share with my handful of readers what I’m about to write.

I am a Christian. I am a Libertarian. I listen to Glenn Beck more often than I don’t.

I  warned you. I pray you are still reading.

I just used a name that inflicts more emotion than when I use the name of God. And if you only know what you know about Glenn because you’ve heard others talk about him, I’m going to ask you to trust me. Or if not trust me, to trust that you and I are both exactly where He needs us to be right now.

Something is happening. If you are paying attention you can see God moving around us. I’m not sure what it is. I’m not sure anyone on this side of Heaven knows for sure. The only thing I know for sure right is that I’m suppose to say what I’m about to say.

I do not know why, but I’m going to ask you that on Monday you will watch the Blaze TV channel from 5 to 7 pm. If you have Dish Network you can watch for free on channel 202. If you don’t have the Blaze TV, you can go to theblazetv.com on Monday and it is super free. You don’t even have to give them your email address to watch it.

God is doing a great work and apparently it’s important to that great work that we watch on Monday. I can’t explain it to you. I would just ask that you trust God and these words that He gave me.

And maybe even in Monday I won’t understand these words that I wrote. Maybe even then I won’t understand why I asked you to watch or what His big plan is. Right now the only thing I know for sure is that I was supposed to ask you to do this and that I will be watching and listening for Him on Monday.

I do not know what is going to be shared on Monday. All I know is that it is important enough that these words flew out of me. This is the fastest, easiest, most confusing words I’ve ever put here.

Maybe Monday evening we can meet back here and understand it. Maybe we will never understand it on this side of Heaven. I’m asking for two hours of your life. I hope you’ll give me that much, even if I don’t know why.